Leaning on Myself

As I turn 29 under the watch of a full pisces moon it feels fitting. Full moons represent culminations – completions – fruition. Pisces, a water sign, is intuitive, emotional and sensitive. As I look back on 28 it follows suit – raw, turbulent, healing, expansive. My word for 28 was becoming and it couldn’t have been a more perfect prophesy. Like the crescent moon, I was on my way.

I’m just about to meet her, but 29 already already feels like integration – a weaving of reclaiming my worth and embodying my power. It feels like the butterflies you get when you see someone you are excited about, it feels like I passed the test and now I start the sacred work. It feels right and I feel so much peace about being exactly where I am meant to be. My word for 29 is embodiment. Embodiment of my power. Embodiment of my truth. A woman who feels completely comfortable and beautiful in her skin, a woman who feels confident in her gifts and what she brings into the world – a woman who cares deeply for others and making the world a better place. A woman who is ready to get to work and let the universe with its magic do the rest.

Under the watch of the growing moon, I reflect on my journey of these past twelve months…in January I started a six month psychic program to develop intuitive gifts I’ve always known I had but never nurtured. I embarked on a journey of deep healing, revisiting childhood wounds and traumas, getting to the root of how they manifested through limiting beliefs, deep seated fears and struggles of self-worth. I revisited the past and spoke to souls all while reclaiming pieces of my own.

I started teaching yoga, after five years of doubting if I would be ‘good enough’ I finally stepped into my gift and it has been such an honor to share something I love so, so much. I began to realize the more space I created to love and forgive myself, the more space I had to love and forgive others.

I met someone who made me question everything. I began to have visions of myself standing on the edge of a cliff, looking back on a life I was comfortable with but knew full well I was being called to leap. I felt tested. At many times I felt broken. Terrified to do something that at one point felt completely unthinkable, unimaginable. It was time to let go and it broke my heart to do it. I said goodbye to someone I loved dearly, someone I had built a beautiful life with, someone who is wonderful in every way. I had to find the courage. My soul urging was relentless, she kept asking how can you belong to someone else before you belong to yourself? She kept beckoning, calling me into the wilderness of her wildness, waiting for me to explore my own magic and touch the deepest parts of my fears and hopes. I broke someone else’s heart to be true to myself. I bore the accusation of betrayal but I did not betray my own soul and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

I met a shaman, a woman with healing hands who helped me on my way. I took a journey with her unlike any I have ever experienced. All the layers were stripped away and nothing but my essence remained, it was a remembering. I met the spirit of something that felt so familiar, I saw colors and shapes and the way energy moves between all living things. I felt the heartbeat of the earth and my own sacred power to bring life into this world. I discovered what I was seeking everywhere outside of myself was already within. It was such a beautiful experience, this heart opening, illuminating work and I feel so honored to have received it and continue on this journey.

I am so excited for 29, I can’t wait to meet her and I feel so much gratitude for the support I have received every step of the way. For my teachers, my healers, my beautiful friends, my guides, my family…for you reading this right now, for myself. As I learn to lean on myself I recognize and acknowledge all it took to be in this exact, beautiful moment. I honor my journey and I welcome in whatever the next chapter holds. I trust the universe to conspire with me as I find my way in the wilderness of my own soul.

Aho.