When my marriage imploded it was all my “ex-husbands fault”. I blamed him for a long time for all the suffering in my life. He cheated. He lied. He broke our marriage vows in every possible way. The wounds incurred from that experience took me to the depths of darkness and depression. The story I told for many years was one of blame, victimhood and anger. It took a long time to look honestly at myself. At my own behaviors, beliefs, and tendencies. The truth is they also contributed to our unhealthy, abusive dynamic. My codependency, abandonment issues, fears and wounds all were fuel for a raging fire of dysfunction.
And while it’s true I didn’t deserve what happened, being wounded isn’t about deservingness. It never is. It’s about what we do with the wounds. In other words: we may not have chosen the things that have happened to us, but we are responsible for how we grow through them.
Taking responsibility was one of the most powerful moments of my healing journey. I finally asked: in what ways did I contribute to the situation? What in me was willing to receive the harm to my body, mind and heart for the illusion of love? What did that experience have to teach me?
As I took radical responsibility for my life, I also learned that to blame is to give our power way. To be resentful is a poison in our hearts and bodies, a poison that limits our lives. To be honest with ourselves about our own destructive or limiting tendencies is critical for healing our deepest wounds. That accepting the things we cannot change by choosing to make peace is power. That ultimately, love is the most healing medicine. And to forgive is the ultimate freedom.
SHE JOURNEYS 