The Story I Used to Tell Myself about Love
When I got married the first time, I had the kind of love that I thought I deserved. I thought it was the best I was ever going to get. I thought love was hard because my marriage was hard. I didn’t trust my husband or perhaps I didn’t trust myself. Love was painful. Love…
A Van Life Engagement
I was wearing sweat pants when it happened. Post-shower, my hair was wild and unbrushed. Makeup? Forget about it. I put it on maybe twice a year. So no, my nails weren’t done either. At least I was wearing a bra. Scratch that, actually, I wasn’t. Moments before, I’d crushed a bag of tortilla chips…
We Belong To One Another
When we buy into the illusion of separateness, we let division win. When we can no longer understand one another, we are forgetting we actually belong to one another. When we surround ourselves with myths and narratives about “the other”, we create a world that is too small. Its exclusivity only allows people that look…
What Would Love Do?
Love makes space to see things differently. Love whispers to our closed hearts and says, “it’s worth the risk.” Love sees through the darkness with eyes wide open, knowing that death, loss, pain and endings are veiled rebirths, opportunities and beginnings. Love, given and shared, is eternal. We never truly lose the ones we love. …
Healers Help Us Heal Ourselves
No one can do the work for us. No one has all the answers and in fact, when we look to others instead of within for truth, we give our power away. No healer, teacher or therapist can “fix” us. Those who play these sacred roles for us are simply space holders, helping us learn…
This Question Changed My Life
I was in a 5 year relationship with someone I deeply cared for. Our last year, things shifted. We grew distant. Our interests no longer aligned. The same conversations about change with nothing to come of it. Resentments grew as we found ourselves in routine and resignation. My heart began to whisper, “𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦. 𝘠𝘰𝘶…
100% Responsible
When my marriage imploded it was all my “ex-husbands fault”. I blamed him for a long time for all the suffering in my life. He cheated. He lied. He broke our marriage vows in every possible way. The wounds incurred from that experience took me to the depths of darkness and depression. The story I…
How We Deal With Heartbreak
How we deal with heartbreak is how we grow. Do we close ourselves off by creating barriers and “protecting” ourselves? Or do we choose to let the experience deepen our capacity to be vulnerable and open? This option is terrifying, but the alternative is self-defeating. When my heart has been the most broken – experiencing…
Personal Healing is a Love Offering
“Two of the great lessons humanity will learn in the 21st century will be: to harm another is to harm oneself & when you heal yourself, you heal the world.” – Young Pueblo Healing makes waves. All the work we do ripples out into the world, generating impact. We heal for ourselves, but we also heal…
Healing Deserves Celebration
I went to a yoga class the other week. The class was at my old studio. The same one where years ago I used to regularly take classes. Eventually, I worked the front desk. Finally, I taught as an instructor. One day, I would even meet my person there. So to be back in that…
Patagonia Road Trip
Patagonia was a bucket-list destination. Wild mountains, massive glaciers, raging rivers, fjords, turquoise lakes, and the famous spires of Torres Del Paine and Fitz Roy. Yes please. We spent 42 nights sleeping in a compact SUV, car-camping our way through Chile and Argentina. Here I was thinking that Van Life made A & I close. This was…
Writing my Memoir – Holy Sh*T!
I have always known I wanted to write a book. I have dreamed of it for as long as I can remember. Once I set out to tell the story that I am meant to tell, I knew it would be difficult. A reckoning of both my pain and my healing, the product of my…
the vow
The Realization Seven years ago, my bare feet padded down into soft sand. Waves from the Pacific Ocean kissed the shore where I stood. The sun and the moon shone down from the bluest of skies. I wore a long white dress as I held the hands of my best friend, a man I couldn’t…
A Gentle Reminder
You are and always have been enough. Your heart and soul are strong, you can trust them. You have what it takes to do the work, the more difficult thing, the path less trodden. You are capable of braving the wilderness. You are soft and vulnerable yet grounded and whole. Your gifts are so necessary,…
My Sober Curious Journey
My friend turned to me and casually asked, “Have you ever dated someone before who is sober?” I shook my head with a negative response. “Is that ok with you?” I momentarily considered her question. Thoughts of clinking glasses to cheers a special occasion, opening a bottle of wine over a picnic, social outings with…
The Dig
To listen to an audio recording of this blog instead, click play below! We’re surrounded by red rocks, dusty roads, crumbling cliffs, and sage bush as far as the eye can see, all under the watchful eye of the setting sun. The fading sunlight is splashing the desert below, painting the landscape in rich caramels.…
Moments
Click below for the audio version instead! We sat in a circle, a small gathering of nine strangers in a dark living room where the sounds of the ocean below matched our quiet breathing. Into the early hours of the morning we would share about our healing, about our journeys. It was here – a…
Unglorified
Click below for the audio recording instead! I haven’t showered in four weeks. No, seriously…I’m not joking. I know that sounds disgusting. It’s the longest stretch in my life that I’ve not showered. The truth is I thought I would be showering a lot more. I’m not sure why I thought that…I just did. Maybe…
VANLIFE!
We’ve been official vanlife nomads for over two weeks now. I’m looking out over the caldera of Crater Lake National Park. A cup of coffee in my hand and the incredible sight of the deepest, clearest lake in North America below me. Wrapped up in a blanket, still with my pajamas on – the rim…
Time to Go
While everything in the world around me came to a grinding halt, my mind began to roam. While doors shuttered and planes grounded and the world became a mostly virtual interactive sphere, my mind began to question. There is so much about “normal life” that was exhausting, taking a toll and running me down, I…
The Great Slow Down
This is what all this is, isn’t it? A great, collective, individual – soul searching slow down. In a world confronted by it’s own inability to control or predict, a world where everyone is impacted by this threat, a world where we are forced to take a step back, quite literally and distance ourselves from…
The Night & I
Sometimes the night feels like an eternity. The kind of night that settles into your soul. The kind of night that is heavy and the crushing weight bears down. Like a tightness in the chest that makes it hard to breathe. Like a darkness so deep not even stars offer up their shine. The silence…
Off the Beaten Path
My snowshoes crunched into the frozen bank of snow. Only one other track of shoes helped to distinguish the trail ahead. The sun was beginning to peak over the ridge of the mountains to the East and when it hit the snow – the dazzling purity nearly stung my eyes, diamonds glinting in a frozen…
On Intuition
Have you ever had that experience where something happened and you knew it would before it did? You can’t explain how you knew, but you just had this niggling feeling…a flash of a thought crossed your mind, a dream that came to pass, a gut instinct? You think of someone and they text you, you…
SHE JOURNEYS
She doesn’t know where this path will lead her. But she knows that she must persist. One foot in front of the next. As long as she can still hear the faint sound of her soul calling her through the night. Beautiful things can come from the dark. It becomes her mantra when not even…
Tell Me More
Tell me more she said with curious eyes as she leaned on in. Tell me about how it made you stronger. Tell me what makes you tick, what moves you, what drives you, what sustains you. Tell me about the secrets you keep and the pieces you hide away from the world, the thoughts that fill your…
Letting Go
How do you let go of someone you love? How do you say goodbye to someone who feels like home? Whose very heart feels like a piece of yours, whose presence feels comforting, whose eyes hold nothing but promise? How do you say goodbye when nothing is “wrong” but something is telling you it is…
Leaning on Myself
As I turn 29 under the watch of a full pisces moon it feels fitting. Full moons represent culminations – completions – fruition. Pisces, a water sign, is intuitive, emotional and sensitive. As I look back on 28 it follows suit – raw, turbulent, healing, expansive. My word for 28 was becoming and it couldn’t…
Solo in the Sierra’s
When I decided to go solo backpacking I wasn’t apprehensive, I’ve been on so many solo hiking & camping trips I knew I would be fine. I have the right gear, I knew where I was headed, I felt prepared. What I wasn’t expecting was to be tested in the solitude. Everywhere else I’ve gone…
#yogasavedme
In honor of International Yoga Day, Yoga Journal launched a campaign calling for stories from the yoga community of how #yogasavedme. So many inspiring stories of courageous souls who shared overcoming depression, disorders, body image issues, grief…the list goes on. As soon as I saw the post and story after story of strength, healing, vulnerability…
I Can Hold Space For This Now
I’m not sure what caused it but I looked at our wedding photos the other night. It was late and I was alone. I’m not sure what caused it but I thought of you and couldn’t find you anywhere. So I looked back. Back to 7 years ago when it all began. I wondered if…
Solo in Sedona
I’ve been dreaming of this trip for awhile now…my soul was longing for red rocks, dusty trails and a million stars. Sedona did not disappoint. The moment I booked my camp site I knew I wanted to be alone. I needed solitude. I wanted to get quiet and get lost in remembering. And I did.…
My Body
It has been a lifetime and I finally begin to feel you are my home. I am still learning what it means to be in my skin. I have struggled with my curves, my height, my butt, my weight…there was always something. It was never enough. An impossible standard of what it means to…
Perfection
You are perfect. Exactly as you are. Right now. All your experiences, all your flaws, all your achievements and memories and imperfections – all of you is absolutely perfect. I see all of you and I love all of you. So don’t question so much. Don’t be so afraid of the darkness. It’s okay to…
Human Design
I was listening to a podcast when I heard about Human Design and I was so intrigued. I’m a total quiz girl. Obsessed. Give me a quiz about astrology, Ayurveda, personality types, Harry Potter house and I’m in. (Ravenclaw!) So, naturally, I had to take the Human Design quiz. I was intrigued by Human Design…
Why I Fell in Love with Yoga
In college I borrowed my roommates “Yoga for Beginners” DVD. I laid on the floor of our dorm room with my legs up the wall thinking ‘this is pointless’. I had heard that yoga was good for you but this was not for me. I liked high-intensity workouts and this seemed like a boring, gentle…
On Crystals
Two people in the past week have said “tell me about the crystals” and I literally love that question SO much. You know that thing you light up when you talk about? The last six months have been a remembering of just how much I love crystals. As a child I was fascinated by them.…
Pain As a Gift
This past weekend I went to my first ever Kundalini practice followed by a Shamanic meditation. It was led by the most beautiful souls; Brit & Tara from Elevate the Globe whose podcast I listen to regularly. The meditation was led by Shaman Durek who I knew I had to meet the moment I heard his…
Owning Our Story
Brene Brown said that “owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” Today I shared my story in a public, intentional way for maybe the first time ever. It was nerve racking and scary but the relief I felt after sharing was like a weight…
Bali Baby
Our very first Christmas together, 4 years ago, Chad got me a travel book for Bali & Lombok and wrote “It has always been on my bucket list to fall in love and travel to Bali. I’m halfway there! Let’s keep dreaming!” The dream finally became a reality this past August when we spent 2…
Soul Retrieval
I remember when I retrieved parts of my soul I remember that it was fraught with pain, then beauty, then release The gift you gave to me Surrounded by love, hands outstretched, a chorus poured over me Like currents, the heaviness was stripped away and then, In a brief moment I felt you here I…
Transformation
This week I turned 28. With everything going on around me – I didn’t reflect on this transition as much as I would have liked. I feel as if 28 is the age where you’re supposed to have it all worked out…(do we ever?) But the driftlessness is the most interesting thing I feel. I’m…
Creating a Sacred Space
Journaling and meditation are a morning ritual for me. I’ve been wanting to create a sacred space in our apartment to practice this morning ritual at for a long time. Now that I have, it brings me so much joy! I use this space to hold some of my very favorite things and in turn,…
In Waves
I remember when healing was hard. It came in waves that crashed on my soul and ripped it to shreds, it knocked the breath right out of me, salty tears pouring from my eyes. I remember what it was to feel the void. Anyone who has felt great loss has felt this void. This sinking,…
SHE JOURNEYS 